Are you ashamed? Apparently I am.

This is something one of my friends sent me recently. It really made something in the pit of me become restless and made me begin to really analyze what about it hit a chord in my core.

It's kinda cool there is so many people on this list. I guess a lot of people aren't ashamed to stand up for what they believe in. You opened this because it said BIG NEWS!!......but if it said "Jesus Christ our Lord" would you have opened it? Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of Me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father." It's your choice. If you aren't ashamed to do this, re post and put your name on the bottom.(this message was followed by a list of 433 names of people who had signed it and passed it on)

I by no means am trying picking on my friend. She is one of the few people i have encountered to whom God is so tangible to to so often. She purely, simply, loves God like a child loves their parents. She just loves Him. It is absolutely beautiful. I also don't think that this list is some big bad terrible thing. It is just a list but it got me to thinking about how many things like this we just do. Little ones, big ones, bumper stickers to ballet measures. We are not using our hearts in time with our brains. We have become afraid to leave the safety of the walls we live in to actually let our lives effect anyone outside of the walls.

I see people who honestly love God with their whole hearts just automatically become part of stuff like this all the time. I am only just beginning to awake to this sort of thing. It makes me head and soul hurt. It confuses me. Why do we who love God so much do so many seemly harmless things that really are pointless and can really convey a bad message with almost no real thought at all. Why does this matter? How is it that having some list of people I mostly don't know peer-pressure-guilt-trip me into signing said list that really makes no difference in people's lives mean that I am not ashamed of Christ?

It seems almost a cultural disease to just do what 'they' tell you. Little things pave the way for the bigger things. We start small in not thinking about our actions and words and then we no longer know how to think about the big things, or better said we so know how we should think about the big things, how we should stand on them with out having to actually work it out for our selves.

I don't sign lists or things like this because I am not concerned with people knowing if I am "ashamed or not ashamed" of Christ. I AM concerned with people knowing that I love them and in turn that they experience Christ loves them. Being actually in others lives, loving them simply because they are beautiful creations. And trusting that God will lead them where they need to be and in what they need to know as I faithfully love Him and let that shine in my every breath, the way i live, not just in e-mail lists to other believers or on public forums where I have no real connection with the people reading it.

I really feel strongly about this sort of thing. I really don't see how signing a list like this makes any real difference in the world around me. How does shouting "I love Christ and if you don't like it you can just deal with it or shove off" (which is exactly the message I see this conveying to people who do not believe in Christ) impart to the world that Christ loves them or make them want to love him back? Why do we feel the need to make sure everyone knows they are on the 'outside" of our circle. Why do we play this game of "I have a better group than you. See we stick together and have a common purpose. and it is better than your. We have more worth than you, so come join us."?

I just want to love the people God has placed in my life, love them well, be open to them with what makes me me, what excites me, what hurts me, everything. because I do love Christ, He pours out of everything when I am loving Him and living Him. But is signing and displaying lists like this on a wall somewhere real or virtual really make a difference? Does it make us closer to God/ Makes us love Him more? Make Him love us more? Make Him proud of us?

i have been rethinking everything I have believed lately. I will no longer do what is expected or normal with out thinking about it. tearing it apart so I can see the inside of it and really own it or discard it based on what is really true and right and loving. So much of what is considered 'christian' is a load of shit. That is how strongly I feel about it. It is dirt and we tote it around like a badge of our own holiness. It makes us feel safe if everyone around us will either applaud us for our "brave standing up for Christ' or shun us for our "stupid ignorant belief in a mythical creature". We puff up with pride and imagine how God must be so proud of us for standing up for him. Protecting Him from a world that hates Him and wants to destroy Him. Not being afraid of them, lifting our heads and weak chins up in the air to show them how much we think of theirs taunts and opinions of us. That will show them. See I am so far above you all you can't even touch me. God loves me and i love Him and if you don't like it you can all just go to hell. Hmmm, curious phrase.

I just want to do what He asked me to do. Love Him and Love people. I want to believe that He is actually God, all powerful, not threatened by any puny human or government or stray thought. He is not even threatened by my thinking through things and questioning everything I thought I believed. He is not shaken by my brain. and that is comforting. Makes me feel safe in His shelter to ask all my questions and look thought my own heart. I want to walk around in the place He set me doing those love things. I don't want to waste my time with all the other crap. The cultural christianity crap that makes God into a weak, feeble, hateful, elitist, white, rich, wavering, all-about-me thing.

That is not God. I will not serve him. I will not give that god any respect or reverence. That is an insult to even consider it. Correction, it is an insult to not consider it, to not think at all and just do it. better that you think about it at all than to blindly follow that human version of a thing.

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