10.23.2005

bad guys

Amazing how easy we people explain things away into all bad/all good. Last night my husband, mother-in-law, & father-in-law were all sitting in my living room drinking tea. There was a knock on the door. I opened it and in walked a girl with a bit of blood on her face and back of her hands, crying, smelling of alcohol, and asking for me to help her. Over and over, "please can you help me, please can you help me, please can you help me." We brought her in, tried to calm her down some, talk to her, hug her, find out what was wrong. "Please don't turn me in...car accident." I told her we would only do what was best for her. I told her my name. She pet the cat and I hugged her & looked at her, trying to make her feel better a little and find out if she was really hurt. She seemed fine just shaken up and really scared and alone. She kept saying she was sorry and for me to please not hate her. After a few minutes she said she really needed to walk home. She had no shoes. She was shaking. She really stressed that she wanted us to be ok if we'd let her walk home. Finally we let her.

I thought maybe she had been in fight or something. She just didn't seem hurt or making enough sense for me to understand what all she was telling me. So about a minute after she left the kitchen the four of us in the house followed the way she had gone through the parking lot. We found on the street a half a block away a car accident. Police and ambulance already there and my nameless girl no where to be seen.

By the end of the night we learned she may have been, probably was the cause of the rear-ending chain of cars and two people going to the hospital. There was a bottle of wine in the cup holder of her car. She was driving with a suspended licence for another hit & run last month. She lives very close to us so they found her in a few hours when she returned home. Still no shoes, still drinking wine, same kind that was in her car.

Irresponsible, selfish, idiot endangering and hurting others. Worthless stupid drunk. Bad guy. Right?

Why do we do this. why is she suddenly nothing more than our own anger and hatred. Why is she stupid, horrible, worthy of punishment and wrath. No good trash?

I saw a girl so scared and lost inside her that she had no idea what to do. She drinks, she asks not to be hated. Please help me, please help me, please help me. she was a girl, freckles and all. Big scared eyes, sailors tongue and bare feet. Why is it easier for the world to call her worthless and lock her away, label her as nothing more than this her whole life than to see her.

Maybe God brought her to this door, to that table, to a small grey cat so someone would see her before her deeds. Someone could pray for her and love her no matter what she did. Love her into more than her choices, actions, emptiness. Damn it! People are not equal to their actions and steps! Not their born-with-brokenness. You are not any better than her just because your brokenness doesn't look dirty or ugly where every one can gawk at it and make discus ting faces of disapproval. You are not a better man for hiding your filth. You are not better because no one condemns your sludge. You are not! We are bad guys too.

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